Once Is Enough

  It’s been called by different names: Show, don’t tell or avoid excess exposition. What does this mean and how do I do that? I like James Scott Bell’s explanation in The Art of War For Writers. He calls it RUE or Resisting the Urge to Explain. All it means is that the writer shouldn’t say what the reader already feels or knows. Let’s take an example:

  My heart thudded in my ears but didn’t drown out the sound of pounding boots closing in behind me. Where was that blasted fence? I had to make it to the fence before the soldiers reached me. The same thick foliage that shielded me from them kept me from finding the neutral zone on the other side of the fence. I needed to cross that fence to save my life. My legs burned but I couldn’t slow down, couldn’t stop to gulp air. A glint of metal flashed in the sunlight. The fence beckoned and I mentally readied to hurdle it as a bullet whizzed past my ear.

  We have some exciting action going on that gets bogged down by extra telling of things you already know. Too much is given about the fence.

  Where was that blasted fence? gives the same information as I had to make it to the fence before the soldiers reached me, except with the additional detail about who is chasing the runner. Since soldiers (them) are mentioned in the next sentence, we don’t need it twice. Choose one of these two sentences to cut. I needed to cross that fence to save my life is repeated information and on the other side of the fence is implied. Cut these. Let’s read the revised version and see if it gives enough information, reads smoother, and keeps a better pace:

  My heart thudded in my ears but didn’t drown out the sound of pounding boots closing in behind me. Where was that blasted fence? The same thick foliage that shielded me from the soldiers kept me from finding the neutral zone. My legs burned but I couldn’t slow down, couldn’t stop to gulp air. A glint of metal flashed in the sunlight. The fence beckoned and I mentally readied to hurdle it as a bullet whizzed past my ear.

  Your readers are smart enough to get what is going on and what emotions are present the first time. 

How to Worry Over the First Scene

  Writers talk about how essential that first sentence, first paragraph is in hooking your reader. Does it have to be full blown action-packed? Elana Johnson and James Scott Bell both say no. Let’s find out what it does need.

  At the LDStorymaker Conference I recently attended, Elana presented the beats of a novel as adapted from Blake Snyder’s Save the Cat books. The first beat is the opening scene. “You show your main character in the ordinary world in which they live,” Elana stated. Speaking of the opening scene for Possession, she adds, “Mine was a walk in the park.”

  James writes that people read to worry. Put your character in some kind of discomfort or danger, big or little. This is a disturbance, not high levels of action. The reader will side with someone in trouble and their connection to the character begins. The faster we worry, the faster we bond.

  So, while Elana shows the opening image of Vi’s normal world—a park, she also hints that trouble will follow her as she breaks the rules and that it will be recorded by the government. We have an immediate disturbance and our curiosity is peaked.

  Go back to that first page of the book you are reading or the novel you are writing. Does it have a disturbance by the end of the first paragraph? Do we have someone starting a new school, losing their job, or worried about an exam? Hopefully yes. Is there tense action already? Will the building suddenly explode or is the heroine tied to the railroad tracks? Probably not.

  Events will soon build, but first we want an intriguing disturbance in the character’s world. Happy worrying.

  
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Top: Local friends Me, Angela Milsap, Brenda Sills
Middle: My Roomies Angela and Emily
Bottom: My door prize win - With Karen Hoover who signed her book,
Misadventures of a Teenage Wizard. I also won Possession and Texting Through Time.



Book Review and Contest Results

  Great cover, huh? Don't you just want to be this woman--skinny and shopping in Paris? Okay, so the book doesn't tell you how to be skinny but it does give you take-charge-of-your-own-spending/saving skills and tools. Million Dollar Diva - The Smart Woman's Guide to Getting Rich Safely by Tristi Pinkston, Brett Kitchen , and Ethan Kap, is a wonderful guide with current, real life information for women (and I dare say men) of any age. I liked that the book followed the information for a true example (Tristi's own financial situation) that you can track by going to the website www.milliondollardiva.com.

  Using caution and safe practices, the book discusses our mental or emotional attitudes about money, ways to reduce debt, plan for spending, getting more out of our earning power, and risk-free investing. I found something useful from each section but especially found the reasoning behind our emotions attached to money issues fascinating. Ideas about amplifying your income and investing surprised me. There is much to glean here and it is done in such a way as to keep it from being dry and unpalatable, the best I've seen. I highly recommend this book for anyone who seeks advice in money matters.

  From now through June 15, you can order this book free for just the cost of shipping at $5.95 USD. You can also download blueprints and plans to get you started on your own money improvement journey at the above website.

  I also wanted to give an update on the results of the "My Hometown" essay contest I entered. I was one of the three winners who will receive an Apple Ipad! Hooray! If you would like to read the essay, I posted it here or go to www.yourhometowngrocer.com to read any of the winning or finalist essays. Thank you again if you voted for me. It's always fun to see one's writing win something.

Break Time

Hi friends. I'm taking a break this week to start a new adventure/vacation/temporary move with an out of state job my husband took. Be sure to stop back in the next few weeks as I'll be mentioning my highlights from the LDStorymakers Conference I just attended, results of the essay contest in which I was a finalist, and share another book review. Thanks for visiting!